Take that Philly!

What a glorious week in sports.

In the span of seven days, three of the teams that I cheer for, have gone into Philadelphia and left with their Philly counter part bleeding from their anus.

First up, the Boston Celtics.

Celtics 105 - Sixers 74. Sixth man Sheed puts up 20, thanks for playing Sixers.

Next up, the New York Yankees.

This was a two-fer.. The Yanks took two out of three at Philly, dismantling last year's World Series MVP Cole Hamels in the process, and making Philly fans sweat it out til the last Yankee batter in their only gimme win at home.

The best part you ask? Taking the series and the world championship at home, by having Gozilla reminding Pedro "still pitching to honor the Red Sox Nation even though their team were eliminated weeks ago" Martinez who is still his daddy.


Last but not least, the Cowboys - avenging their humiliating defeat from a season ago, wrestling first place in the NFC East away from the Eagles, crushing the hopes of Philadelphia sports fans who are still crying from their failure of defending their World Series Championship.


Three for three. Good week. I am a happy man.

Free Pussy!!

Less than 24 hours after I sang the praises of Facebook, it has rewarded me with more entertainment.

As some of you know, my family has 2 cats. We had adopted these cats from a woman whom I used to work with. I have kept in touch with this woman via Facebook in the last few years.

My former coworker lives out in Western Massachusetts with her family, they have several cats that roams around her home and property. She always has kittens a few times a year up for adoption. Although some people might criticize her for letting her cats mate freely and bringing unwanted kittens into the World, but I do believe she does go that extra mile to find good homes for them.

Anyways, we'll refer to my former coworker as LOLcatWoman for this post.

I get to work this morning, I see this post on her status:

LOLcatwoman - To the serious freaks on CRAIGS list... If you using it as a dating tool, do the world a favor and stay in the "personals" section. The "FREE Kittens" section is not for this purpose...

That's a softball right down the heart of the plate - a 4 bagger with a single swing of the inappropriate comments bat. I let it go, too easy.

Then as the day went on, I see several posts from LOLcatwoman, and I started to piece together what's going on here.

As it turns out, LOLcatwoman has placed an ad on Craigslist, putting two of her kittens up for adoption. She had turned down several of people until she met a woman named Steph. She thought Steph was a nice single girl and would offer the kittens a good home.

After a few days, LOLcatwoman discovered this ad on Craigslist (since been deleted) from Steph.

Yep, you guessed it. They were the same kittens Steph had just adopted from LOLcatwoman.

Intrigued, LOLcatwoman contacted Steph,and inquired as to why she is putting them up for adoption again. I would do the same thing, figuring maybe Steph's situation had changed, perhaps she lost her job or got evicted from her apartment.. etc.

At first, Steph pretended that she didn't even know LOLcatwoman. After a bit of conversation, LOLcatwoman tells Steph to stop playing games and she'll just take the kittens back.

Steph agrees and gives LOLcatwoman her address so she can pick up the kittens. LOLcatwoman arrives at the house, and Steph refused to answer the door. LOLcatwoman calls Steph from the doorsteps, and Steph claims that she "loves the kittens and someone was playing a joke on her by posting that Craigslist ad". They have a conversation, and the ad is removed.

The next morning (today), LOLcatwoman discovers the ad had been re-posted. Just to be sure, LOLcatwoman calls from a different phone and posed as someone who was interested in the kittens. Steph responds on the phone "yes, I have 2 kittens for sale". Just to be extra sure, LOLcatwoman had friends and family call her to inquire about the kittens.

Throughout the many calls, the animals under the control of Steph has grown from 2 kittens to 4 and 2 puppies to boot.

LOLcatwoman has several phone conversations with Steph, and had Steph admit to her that she is doing this because she is lonely - she wanted to meet people by having people come by to look at the kittens; this conversation took place between bouts of Steph's arguments with an imaginary person in her apartment.

Finally decided she had enough, LOLcatwoman dispatches her husband to Steph's house to retrieve the kittens.

When he arrived at the house, of course Steph denies everything. The husband of LOLcatwoman tells her to stop being a freak, and hand over the kittens. Steph does so, probably after some discussion with her imaginary roommate/friend. Oh, while she is claiming not to know how the ad got up there, she is wearing that exact same outfit as shown on the picture.

Here is the post by LOLcatwoman about the details of the kitten rescue [sic].

"she tells [lolcatwoman's nephew] that she has 4 kittens.... I have my coworker call, she tells him she has 4 kittens and 2 puppies. I call her back and double check, she says "i cant find a way to take that ad down". I said "has anyone called you" , she said "no"... [lolcatwoman's husband] calls her while on on the phone with her and I can hear it beep in...
She flips over to him and... he is RIGHT here... She tells him she has 4 kittens available. He says "what the HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" She hangs up. She calls me 8 times asking how to take an AD down from craigs list. Wants to get together for coffee. So he goes there to ask her whats her problem, since we have a ton of people to give them too, and she says "i dont know what you are talking about, I havent talked to you or your wife... " - So he pulls out his phone and says "this is a little thing called caller ID, and that over there is a police officer, stop being a freak, give the kittens back (who were in the carrier all night with out food or water)"

At this point, I jumped in and asked some poignant questions:

Me -2 questions -

1. How did you guys get the kittens back?
2. Is she hot?

LOLcatwoman answered #1 with the details above, as for question #2, she quoted her husband:

"it doesnt matter what she looks like, you will be getting a threesome with only 2 people."

Well played sir, well played.

Throughout this whole ordeal, LOLcatwoman had posted the link to the ad on her facebook status, enlisting people to call Steph about the kittens.

I had briefly contemplated calling the woman and pretending to be a Chinese restaurant owner, and ask if I can have the kittens before the dinner rush.


See, I can do that because I am Chinese, anyone else that would be racist, and would require to buy me beer at a teaching moment.

The lesson learned from this ordeal? Don't put your pussy up on Craigslist.

Pink Hat Nation

You know that Facebook is a great application.

You use it to keep in touch with friends and family, when you meet new people, you have more time to learn more about them - what you may or may not have in common with someone.

Another thing about Facebook is that you can use it to get back in touch with friends from long ago, whom you have lost touch with.

It's great to find out what happened to them and what they are up to now; and this is where I had disturbingly discovered that a lot of my friends from high school are pink hat fans.

What are pink hat fans? They are what people used to call band wagon fans, or fair weather fans. They are easy to spot when someone likes a successful major out of town team - like Duke or the Lakers; but they are much harder to spot when the pink hats are fans of a local team, they can easily blend in with the homers.

Well, then how do you spot the pink hats in the Boston area where the local teams has had much success in the last decade? Well, the dead give away now is to look at people's cars. At least once a day in my commute, I will spot a car with a Patriots sticker, a Red Sox sticker, and a Celtics sticker on the back trunk or tailgate of their vehicle. The Pats sticker and the Red Sox sticker are generally much larger than the Celtics sticker, and they are generally symmetrically placed. The Celtics sticker will almost always be placed at a location where it was obviously an afterthought.

Alright, back to Facebook. I have discovered people from my high school who when we were growing up, didn't care about football and baseball, now pimping the fact that they're big fans of the Patriots and the Sox. Posting updates during the game - pictures of them at the games.

This fella pictured here to the left,whom I shall refer to as Joe Pink Hat from this point on, is the worst offender. Growing up in the 80's, he had no clue about the Patriots and the Red Sox, or even the sports in general.

In fact, his parents had 4 season tickets to the Patriots in the old stadium, and each home game, they would ask - no, beg us to go with them because they cannot get rid of them. Every time they asked, we would not go because I was not a fan of the Patriots and he deemed (correctly) that it was more fun to have the run of the house for several hours while his parents were at the game.

One of the main characteristics about being a pink hat fan is that he or she knows next to nothing about a sport or team, but became a "fan" so they can be liked and fit in with others. They are annoying because they really don't care about the sport, but usually pick up on the obvious portion of the fanhood - like hating a bitter rival. Joe Pink Hat is the living embodiment of that type of a "fan".

One of my most vivid memory of going to a Red Sox game, was a game I went to at Fenway with the White Sox visiting. The White Sox catcher that day was none other than the former Red Sox player and legend (now Hall of Famer) Carlton Fisk. Even me - not a Red Sox fan, knew this.


We were sitting behind the visitors dugout with his mother, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon - with tickets bought from the walk up window - yes, it was possible to get seats behind the dugout on the day of the game back then.

Well, Joe Pink Hat here wanted to heckle an opposing player - because you know, that's what you're suppose to do; and knowing next to nothing about baseball or the Red Sox, he decided to pick on Fisk - not knowing what he had done for the Sox (the warm reception Fisk got from the hundreds in attendance should have given him a clue). Anyways, when Fisk was returning to the dugout after the home team had batted, Joe Pink Hat started to heckle Fisk.

Fisk would ignore him for the first few times, as we were just kids - and his material was limited to the run of the mill "Fisk! You Suck!" variety. It was maybe the fifth or sixth inning, when Joe Pink Hat pulled out the big guns (okay, I may have egged him on a bit). "Hey Calrton! YOU FAG! YOU HAVE AIDS!!!". Remember, this was the 80's, and AIDS had just came into national attention as an epidemic (before Magic Johnson), and still was considered a "gay plague".

Fisk stopped dead in his tracks while walking back to the dugout and glared right at him. I think if we were a couple of years older than what we were back then he would have came into the stands and killed both of us. There were not that many people sitting around us, so he knew exactly who said it (also we were the only kids in that section and his crackling adolescent voice was a dead giveaway). Even the few people sitting near us grew quiet and stared at him.


Anyways, Fisk waited a few seconds until Joe Pink Hat shrunk a few inches in his seat before he walked into the dugout. His mother, who is a very sweet woman, didn't really follow current events. She had no idea how inflammatory her son's comments were. I think she even asked something like "hey, was that player looking at us for some reason?" We sat in our seats for another inning or two and decided to ask his mom to get us out of there because we want to go to the 7 PM movies.

I found and friended Joe Pink Hat about 2 months ago on Facebook. And I have watched him post something about the Sox everyday, and now the Patriots.

Why am I very annoyed at these people? Well, one - now they had jumped on the bandwagons of the teams I do support in the Boston area, the B's and the Celtics, they have driven up ticket prices and lessened the availability of the tickets. Also, infinitely worse, when I wear any Celtics gear, I am lumped in with these idiots.

You know how annoyed you were with the fair weather Rays' fans with their stupid cowbells and mohawks last year during the ALCS? That's how I view the Boston Pink Hats.

Jerry Jones

Love him or hate him, you have to give him props. The man's got balls.

Bought the Dallas Cowboys 20 years ago for a mere $140 million, now according to Forbes - it is worth a cool $1.65 billion.

Yep, that's right billion with a B.

Sure back in 1989, I fucking hated the man. As a life long Cowboys fan, his first move as the new owner was to fire one of the most successful coaches in the history of the NFL, and push out the general manager that built the Cowboys from scratch into America's Team.

Sure, there were a couple of down years, okay - a decade of down years (3 consecutive NFC Championship losses in the early 80's - unless you are a Bills fan or an Eagles fan, those are failures in my book), both Tom Landry and Tex Schramm deserved better.

But give Jerry credit, he saw that time and the NFL game had past the two by, and it was time for something new.

His next move, was to hire a college coach with zero professional experience to take the reins of the Cowboys. The pair them promptly traded away Hershel Walker - who accounted for 65% of the offense for the mediocre on their best day Cowboys.

What was that like for a Cowboys fan? I wanted to fucking kill both Jones and Johnson. For the love of Christ how in the fucking world do you trade away the guy who IS your offense in the middle of your season??!!

A few years later, the move proved to be the very reason that the Cowboys took home the Lombardi Trophy 3 years out of four. In fact, it was such a great move, Johnson called it "the Great Train Robbery".

The next few years that followed after the Cowboys won the first Superbowl in the 90's, I would give Jones a B+ on his achievements. The bad - he drove off the coach that won him the Superbowls mainly because he didn't want to share the spotlight with him. The good? He broke with the NFL/NFL PA in the merchandising front.

Not many of us remember that Monday night game in New York with Jerry Jones walked onto the Giants Stadium turf with Nike Founder Phil Knight to announce the deal that the Cowboys had struck with Nike to brand Texas Stadium with Nike logos. But that was a revolutionary move for the NFL.

Up until then, all the franchises in the NFL shared the merchandise revenue equally. It doesn't matter if your team sucked and you as a owner can barely remember the address of your stadium, or you as an owner spent every waking hour trying to improve your team - you shared the revenue equally. All those Emmit Smith jerseys that were sold? Every team in the damn league gets a piece of that action.

In political circles, that's what is known as communism. With one bold move, Jerry Jones changed all of that. Why the hell should Jerry and the Cowboys share the money he earned by being the most popular franchise in football with the perennial bottom feeders who refuse to improve their team?


At first, there were only a few owners who saw the light. Al Davis, who was just happy to have someone else being labeled as "maverick owner" besides his Darth Vader self; and Bob Kraft. That's right, Bob Kraft; he saw back then the smart money was the opportunity to shed the dead weight of the layabout owners and market your own team - if you can keep most of the fruits of your labor.

Now after several years, guess what happened. Everyone is on board now as the NFL became the most successful professional league in the world. Everyone is richer, and everyone is happy (except Al Davis, who is still unable to expand his merchandising demographics from LA gang members and frustrated by his apparent inability to hire coaches who doesn't punch fellow employees).

Fast forward a few years to the current time. Midst of a recession, Jones is set to open his 1.2 billion dollar football stadium.

Prices too high in a recession? Nope, the stadium is almost sold out, including the luxury boxes and even with the personal licenses for season tickets and corporate sponsorships.

Worried that the higher ticket prices will only bring in the "well-heeled" crowd who will not make the place a living nightmare for visiting teams? In addition to the 72,000 people the seats and the suites will hold, Jone is selling an additional 30,000 $29 "party passes" that will let the fans stand in the decks and buy Jerry's beer and hot dogs. This is just brilliant, simply brilliant. You know all those rowdy bleacher crowd you see in baseball parks? Jones just created an opportunity for 30,000 rowdies to enter the stadium at $29 a pop to move around and do their thing.


Worried that the planet's biggest HDTV (which sits 90' - 9 stories to you and I, above the stadium surface) will interfere with playing football? Get the NFL to amend/clarify the rule. In the mean time, everyone is talking about the new Texas Stadium.

As Michael Silver suggested, I am thankful for the Jones owning the Cowboys.

20 years later, I will own up to Jerry - I was wrong.

Shawn Merrirman Does the World a Favor and is Arrested for it

Shawn Merriman was arrested in the wee hours of Sunday morning for allegedly "choking and restraining" girlfriend Tila Tequila.

Listen, I am against domestic violence, but I think in this case we must ask ourselves - who hasn't thought about choking out this low-rent Paris Hilton wannabe?

From her "MySpace fame" to some unwatchable bi-curious dating show, to some crap she calls music; she has come to represent everything that is wrong with "Internet Fame".

I'll go ahead and say it. Thank you Shawn, for sacrificing your professional football career for the betterment of these Internets.

Let's hope Roger Goodell will have the common sense of the judge in the Chris Nilan shoplifting case and take into consideration of this great service to the community and be lenient when levying out Shawn's suspension.

Chinese Taipei in LLWS Finals

After the abysmal showing in the World Baseball Classic by the so called "professional" baseball players from Chinese-Taipei, the kids from Taiwan have reclaimed their honor by reaching the finals of the Little League World Series.

The representatives from Asia-Pacific avenged their earlier loss to the El-Tri by spanking them in the International finals 9-4.

The Mexican youngsters actually stayed on the field after they lost, slipping and slide around in the mud and water when the rain started up again.

Having fun, and playing the game hard. That's what it's all about.

Obviously they didn't listen to that retarded piece of shit Jim Rice.

Really Jim, Really?

You see, this is what happens when you let a grouch with borderline numbers into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Speaking to the Little Leaguers before the Little League World Series, Jim Rice urged the kids not to use today's players as role models:

"You see a Manny Ramirez, you see an A-Rod, you see Jeter, Guys that I played against and with, these guys you’re talking about cannot compare.

We didn’t have the baggy uniforms. We didn’t have the dreadlocks. It was a clean game, and now they’re setting a bad example for the young guys."

Yeah, yeah - I'm being a bit hard on the old man here, he must have confused the name Jeter with Ortiz. Honest mistake. really.

Someone in the Sox P.R. department perhaps should do a better job in the selection of locations for Flex Magazine's promotion at Fenway last night.

Update: Back pedaling like a bitch.

Child Please!

Chad Ochocinco kicked the winning extra point in the Bengals' 7-6 preseason win over the Patriots.

Tom Brady was thrown down a couple of times by Bengals defenders, shockingly non of them were named Roy Williams or Tank Johnson.

I didn't watch the game, but judging by the box scores and the final score, the Bengals probably didn't play Ol' Roy a lot of downs.

The Bengals are terrible, but at least they are providing us with some entertainment.

"Esteban' Ochocinco is back, the most interesting footballer in the world, Everyone has to remember, I’ve always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now."

- Chad Esteban' Ochocinco

Karma is a Bitch Phillies

Phillies' center fielder Shane Victorino was doused by a full cup of beer as he was catching a fly ball during Phillies 12-5 victory over the Cubs on Wednesday night.

While I like Flying Hawaiian as a player, and thinks this type of fan behavior is deplorable (full fucking cup of ball park beer? in this economy?!), I can't help but feeling happy that a Philadelphia player is on the receiving end of an asshole fan action.

Why am I happy? As a Dallas Cowboys fan, I have witness over the years the bad behavior from Philadelphia sports fans. Every Cowboys game at the old Vet was an orgy of drunk fans throwing everything that was nailed down at the visitors - from batteries to snowballs, sometimes snowballs with batteries rained down onto the field.

The City of Brotherly Love was also home to the coach Buddy Ryan who once famously placed a bounty on the Cowboys kicker and Troy Aikman and remarked "hey, if there is snow on the stands, people will throw snowballs" when asked about the unruly Phillie fans.

This was also the place where Michael Irvin lay motionless on the shitty Veteran Stadium astroturf, with a possibility of permanent paralysis, and the fans cheered.

I can go on for days about the bad Philadelphia sports fans, but I won't. I'll just let Google do the work.

Gutter whores, all of them.

Let's go back to this beer throwing Chicago fan. I heard on ESPN radio that another Cubs fan (coincidentally who looked like Steve Bartman) was mistaken as the beer thrower, and he was roughed up by some of the Phillie fans sitting around him; while the real beer assassin bolted from the stadium. With the release of the footage of the incident, and Victorino's complaint with the CPD, the real assailant turned himself in.

What a sucker, I would have taken my chances with the cops not finding me. Come on, the CPD couldn't even find the one arm killer dude for almost a year, Harrison Ford had to do all the legwork for them.

Chicago fans are no angels either. Who can forget this incident? Warms my heart to see a shirtless drunk father and son team working together.

Okay, enough about the bad Philadelphia and Chicago fans. The most famous beer (or what M.L. Carr called "unidentified liquid, definitely not beer) toss in my mind, was the cup that was thrown at M.L. Carr as he was walking into the tunnel of the L.A. Forum after the Celtics game 6 victory in the 1984 NBA finals.

This act so enraged Maxwell that he told DJ: "Let's kill them on Tuesday. Let's kill those freaks."

The rest, as they say - was history.

Roy "Thong" Williams

Caught the first episode of the HBO "Hard Knocks - Training Camp With the Cincinnati Bengals" last night.

If you're haven't seen it, don't bother - it was boring as all hell. Even Ocho Cinco was lame.

There was a scene where they showed a defensive back trash talking Ocho Cinco before a inter-squad scrimmage, it was so contrived and uncomfortable - the guy must of practiced it in front of a mirror for 5 hours this week; and still somehow manage to deliver it like a fifth grader in his first play.

But what did interest me was that it showed two former Cowboys that, Mike Zimmer (former and now) Bengal's defensive coordinator, picked up from the Cowboys' trash heap - Roy Williams and Tank Johnson.

Tank was seen asking a child (not sure if it was his son) entering 4th grade, if he would "fight back if he was 4 and 12" (in reference to coach marvin Lewis' call for the team to fight back after a disasterous 2008). The kid answered no, and Tank playfully said they will have to talk this over during dinner. The kid pretty much had the "you're an idiot - what the hell are you talking about" attitude the whole time.

Probably not very smart if Tank is your dad; or worse - not your dad and he owns a bunch of fire arms.

But that was not the worst showing of the two former Cowboys.

The worse was Roy Williams. He was in several scenes, some reprising his jovial happy veteran role from last year's Cowboys edition of Hard Knocks. In others, he was just getting his ass handed to him.

Yahoo's Shut Down Corner article nailed it:

"I'd imagine Roy Williams is a little embarrassed this morning about his showing. He lined up against Maurice Purify in the Oklahoma drill (one running back, and one blocker going one-on-one with a defender in a confined space), and things did not work out well for Roy. Purify erased him. With his propensity to get beat deep, and his inability to even put up a fight against a rookie wide receiver blocking him, I'm having trouble figuring out what it is that Roy Williams does well."

"Erased him" might even been a little too kind. Annihilated or mauled might be more accurate. Yeah sure, one can say that Purify is an undrafted rookie, giving his all and then some to trying to catch on. But come on Roy - a guy who is trying to resurrect his once great career - coming to a new team trying to earn the respect of his new teammates, this is not how you go about it.

Roy showed absolutely zero effort against Purify - he was just a talking blocking sled during the drill. Got owned in the first part of the segment when the voice over was still explaining what an "Oklahoma Drill" was, and got absolutely destroyed by the rookie at the end of the segment. I mean, it was so bad that you kind of feel embarrassed for him.

I have read accounts from several sources that Roy Williams' problem is that he seemed to have lost his passion for football, or more accurately, his passion for playing football well. It was never more evident than in this episode of Hard Knocks (other than the times he missed tackles, blown coverages in the last two years for the Cowboys - but I digress).

Again, for a guy who once was one of the most feared, hard hitting safety in the league, now seen walking around joking and goofing off and plotting with teammates to not go at each other as hard in contact drills. Way to earn respect Roy.

After seeing this, I am ecstatic that the Cowboys dumped him (now it seems like a no brainer). I suspect Roy has retired 3 years ago, he just never bothered to tell his employer(s). If I was coach Lewis, Roy would be on the first bus out of town this morning, just to make an example out of him.

Of course I can't talk about old Roy without posting a picture of ladies in thongs.

God Damn Chinese Gamers!

From the blog, ChinaSmack (read the comments on ChinaSmack - high comedy)- I bring you a video made by a Korean gamer criticizing Chinese gamers:



From the comments section, someone posted a video made by a couple of Chinese guys mocking the Koreans' anger towards the Japanese.



Can't we all just get along?

I Think I Just Got My Own "Teachable Moment"

I got a call tonight - actually a message, from a buddy of mine:

"[JM] blah this is [my buddy] blah *noises in the back ground* *gibberish* softball *gibberish*"

After listening to the message three times, I still couldn't make out what he was saying, so I decided to call him back.

[My Buddy]: Hey dude, do you know a team named the Scrubs, that plays in the Boston West Coed Softball League?

[Me]: Name sounds familiar, but mmm.. not really.

At this point, i opened up the Boston West Coed Softball League web site, and saw that the Scrubs were on the brink of going through the regular season undefeated; that would explain the excitement in the earlier message.

[My Buddy]: Anyways, they are all Asian, and they are ranked third, and we played them tonight and beat them! *Quick recap of the game*

[Me]: Hey wait, you assume that I would know them because they were all Asian?! Yo man, that's racist!

[My Buddy]: Haha, ha.. ha.

[Me]: Haha, yeah, I probably know them. (checking via Google Chat with a Asian buddy of mine who plays in that league - I do know them)

[My Buddy]: I'll talk to you tomorrow.

[Me]: Alight, later dude.

I am kicking myself, if I had responded with "I'll beat yo mama in softball!!", I would be having my own teachable moment with a bucket of free suds tomorrow at the Sunset Grill.

I have never seen a pitcure of guys who are more uncomfortable while drinking beer.

I Guess Ortiz Doesn't Respect His Family, Fans, or the Game

The big news in the world of Major League Baseball today was the revelation by the New York Times that Ortiz and Manny made the 2003 doping list.

For those of us who actually watch baseball, this cannot come as a bog shock. Even the biggest Red Sox fanboy saw this coming.

I for one, was praying that A-Rod would be suspended, so he can sue and have the entire list released. Look at which team and which year has the Major League team slugging record; and take a look at who had a dramatic spike in production for that year. I would bet you are many more Red Sox players on that list.

Let's go with David's own words to open the discussion here:

"I know that if I test positive, using any kind of substance, I know that I’m going to disrespect my family, the game, the fans, and everybody. And I don’t want to be facing that situation. So what I will do is, I won’t use it."

This was said in this past February, I guess he must omitted the words "any more" at the end.

Ortiz's statement today:

"One, I have already contacted the Players Association to confirm if this report is true. I have just been told that the report is true. Based on the way I have lived my life, I am surprised to learn I tested positive. Two, I will find out what I tested positive for. And, three, based on whatever I learn, I will share this information with my club and the public. You know me -- I will not hide and I will not make excuses."

Really David? Really?

“I tell you, I don’t know too much about steroids, but I started listening about steroids when they started to bring that [poop] up, and I started realizing and getting to know a little bit about it. You’ve got to be careful. I used to buy a protein shake in my country. I don’t do that any more because they don’t have the approval for that here, so I know that, so I’m off of buying things at the GNC back in the Dominican (Republic). But it can happen anytime, it can happen. I don’t know. I don’t know if I drank something in my youth, not knowing it.”

-David Ortiz, BostonHerald.com (05/08/2007)


Well, first of all, one thing I have learned from the entire A-Fraud steroid drama this past Spring was that all 104 players who won the lottery in 2003 were notified that they were on the list.

That was 6 years ago. You know, if I were David Ortiz, and my numbers spiked right around the same time that I was told that I tested positive for some PED; I might want to get my lawyers or representatives to find out what I tested positive for.

You know, so I can perhaps pass it off on a rogue Dominican cousin or some tainted GNC products.


If you really believe that this was the first time that Ortiz has heard of this or he doesn't know what triggered the positive test, you must be in some serious denial.

What I have really enjoyed about this whole ordeal is the reactions from the Red Sox fans. The long time fans will shrug it off, and said something to the effect of "eh, everybody was/is doing it".

Fair enough. Shoot, if I could take a drug and make me write better code at my work and make me more money? You bet your ass I'd be sucking it down by the gallons. Oh wait, it's call coffee - and I have been downing it by the gallons.

All that giddiness after the Red Sox employee Mitchell Report came out (and shockingly contained a bunch of Yankees)? The A-Fraud revelation this past Spring? Yeah, I get it, it's gamesmanship.

The pink hats will go right to the "look at how many Yankees have tested positive or was on steroids" argument. Hey, I don't really blame them - they're really not fans of the game - they're conditioned to just blame the Yankees for everything bad that happens to the Red Sox.

But the bottom line is this - whether you like to admit it or not Sox Fans (Pink Hats or otherwise), your team and your favorite player(s) are just as bad as the team/players you despise the most. You have known this all along, deep down inside you must have known, and today - it's finally proven.

Remember when Bonds and the Giants came and played at Fenway? How some of you acted like you have to hate him and boo him because you are such baseball purist and he was tainting the most hallowed record of all professional sports? (even though most of you cheered his big home runs during batting practice - I know, I was there) Or how some of you poked fun at the Giant fans who still supported Bonds. I would expect you to shun Ortiz today.

What's really going to bring this full circle, is that Ortiz comes out next week and admit that he was A-Fraud's Dominican cousin that had supplied him with Boli.

Knuckles Nilan Arrested

Former Boston Bruin and my childhood idol, Chris "Knuckles" Nilan was arrested yesterday at the South Shore Plaza for shoplifting.

QUINCY - Chris Nilan, a former professional hockey player known for his frequent trips to the penalty box, was arrested on a charge of stealing a bathing suit from the Lord & Taylor store at the South Shore Plaza.

"I just wanted to save a few bucks," he told police.

It's been a bad week for former Boston players, first Antoine Walker is pinched in Nevada for passing bad checks at Casinos, now Knuckles is picked up by mall cops for shoplifting a pair of bathing suit.

Growing up following the Bruins, I have always admired Nilan's toughness - even though he played the majority of his NHL career for the hated Montreal Canadiens. He was probably the most hated Canadien in Boston, and for good reasons. But this was one of those situations where you hate a player because he's the A-hole on your most hated team - but you love him when he becomes the A-hole on your team.

The Bruins signed him in 1990, I thought he was the final missing piece of the puzzle, adding toughness to a talent loaded but still a bit soft team. Excite, I ran out and bought a Nilan sweater - which I still have to this day (pictured above).

But like that pair of Lord & Taylor bathing suit, the Cup remained out of the hands of my beloved Bruins.

Police said Nilan struggled with store security officers who followed him out of the store. Police said Nilan denied taking anything and threw punch at one of the guards, but missed.

When Braintree Police officers Michael Want and Matthew Crowley arrived, Nilan was still struggling with the security guards even after they knocked him down. The police officers managed to subdue Nilan and place him in handcuffs.

Knuckles still holds the record for penalty minutes for a single game, and he is one of nine men on this planet who has more than 3,000 career NHL penalty minutes. Bested by freaking mall cops. This is like Tiger Woods getting beat by 6 year olds in miniature golf.

Thank goodness the judge had enough sense to take into account Nilan's former service to the community (I know it does not say so in the article - but come on, this is Knuckles Nilan), dismissed the case with a $100 court fine and ordered him to stay away from the store.

If I were those mall cops, I watch myself going to my car after work. Nilan is always the nastiest when coming out of the penalty box.

In other hockey news, the NHL made it official - Boston vs. Philadelphia in the Winter Classic at Fenway Park.

I already know what's going to happen, thanks to the run the Bruins had last year, the Pink Hats will snatch up all the tickets and I'll be forced to go to person A for tickets at 4 times the face value.

Speaking of fights, check out this blog entry on ChinaSmack.

Apparently, the dude in the red shirt tried to muscle this couple's child for a seat on the Shanghai tourist tram, and got his ass and his flip flop handed to him.

You might think, why would an adult start with a little kid for a damn bus seat? Well, I have been to Shanghai and have seen this first hand. This is no joke, people over there LOVE fighting for seats on public transportation. You have to have your A game on at all times when taking any surface transportation (for some odd reason, the subway was not as violent when I took it - maybe the sun light activates some sort of enzyme that make them fight).

When you are waiting for the bus, and all the people in line are old or small children? It doesn't matter - these same grandmas and toddlers will shove and muscle you at the door.

When the empty bus that seats 60 pulls up and there are only 8 people in line? They'll still use every part of their body and that Hello Kitty backpack to box you out like Dwight Howard just to get on the damn bus before you.

For what reason, I have no idea. The people I had encountered were all local, and they must know that the bus is not full during that time of the day. I think it's a form of free entertainment for them - kind of like playing pop-a-shot at your local watering hole.

A couple that fights toghether stays together

Release the Video!

LeBron James and Nike should release video of James being dunked on.

It's a bitch move by LeBron, but hey, at least he didn't rape anyone.

Inappropriate, But Still Funny

By now, you are probably sick of reading stories about Michael Jackson.

Apart from his death eclipsing another little story about what's going on in Iran, and the general wackiness displayed by his fans that prompted Jesse Jackson to come out and urge them not to kill themselves; someone told me by far the best story over the weekend.

I play softball with a guy who is a supervisor for the T bus drivers (for those of you who don't know, the T is the public transportation system for the Greater Boston area).

He told me after his shift on Friday (the day after Micheal died), he noticed several of the African American bus drivers were kind of upset.

He asked them what was bothering them. The answer he got was - throughout the day, white people were coming on the bus and telling them that they were sorry about Michael.

By the way, you can still buy the shirt for $6.

Trying too Hard on Facebook

Everyone have at least once tried to put something witty in their Facebook status. You know, something to show your friends that you are intelligent, interesting, and maybe fun to hang with.





But when you try too hard, you get something like this:

LOOK AT ME: is making laksa for dinner, but is jonesing for bacon mac & cheese.
Yesterday at 5:04 PM

See what she did thre? Threw out an exotic dish (not just a dish - mind you, a street dish), but closed with the ordinary for the irony.

Right now, this person is hitting that refresh button, begging for someone to notice and ask her that obvious question.

Somebody who doesn't know how to use Google
at 5:10pm June 18
laksa?

Bingo!

LOOK AT ME:
at 5:14pm June 18
it's maylasian street food. Soup with noodles. Lots of curry and shrimp paste and cilantro and... okay, now that's what I DO want for dinner.

Note the time stamp - 4 minutes - you know she had the response all ready to go.

I know this person, and she is not Malaysian. With this knowledge of some obscure Asian dish. She has immediately elevated herself to the top of the list amongst her white friends.

Somebody who doesn't know how to use Google
at 5:16pm June 18
OMG that sounds like awesome comfort food. Not that bacon mac & cheese didn't sound like awesome comfort food...hmm, maybe that's what I'LL make for dinner!! Thanks for the idea!

See what I mean? this person is the enabler, but an amateur one at that. If they had asked our laksa eating friend here where and when she learned about the dish, she could have gone on for hours telling her tales about her travels. Not just staying in nice western hotels either, probably some backpacking adventure where she discovered the street dish.

Then, here comes people like me to ruin her fun:

Person C
at 8:49pm June 18
isn't that a dog?

Me
at 9:56am June 19
NO! you would use parsley, mint or basil for dogs.

Now I Feel Old

It's one thing to see stuff that was popular when you were a kid being brought back as "nostalgia", it's another when you see things that were "in" when you were an adult now being called nostalgia.

Remember those Starter jackets? They're coming back. Iconix is resurrecting the brand and has signed Tony Romo to a deal promoting the brand at Wal-Mart.

I remember Starter from the 90's, seemed like everyone in Boston had one of those Starter Bruins jackets (yeah, the B's were popular once before all the front runners came on board last year). The company went belly up back in 2002, and the brand seemed to disappear overnight.


Entertainment Weekly has a nice write up of the Rise and Fall of the Starter Jacket.

Yep, the brand once favored by hip-hop artists, gangsters, and suburban gangster wannabes now have TO's quaterback (can't say the quaterback of the Dallas Cowboys, Starter does not have a deal with the NFL) at the helm piloting the resurrection.


Now I am curious if anyone is going to bring back the GoBots (the Starter brand as the Transformers) of the gangster NFL apparel - the Apex One Pro Line jackets?

More Mile High Fun

Here are some of the other tidbits from my trip to Denver.

The robes in the rooms - new photograph evidence has surfaced. It now appears that the Hotel Monaco was not satisfied with just providing their guests with leopard print robes, some rooms have giraffe print robes; and thank goodness, they didn't miss out on the $30 "Not Complementary" leopard print ladies camisole and shorts.

I am going to back up a bit here. As some of you may remember, the day I left for Denver was the weekend where the swine flu panic was in full swing in the United States. Predictably, there were people on my United flight rocking the surgical mask.

As I disembark my flight at the Denver Airport, I counted 3 of my fellow passengers wearing masks to ward off the swine voodoo. One Asian lady, who is probably a veteran of the SARS pandemic, is wearing a surgical mask. The other two clowns, are wearing Home Depot dust masks.

I may not be a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I am fairly certain that a $4 dust mask isn't going to stop the evil H1N1.

I have to admit, I am a bit peeved at myself. I was totally unprepared for this trip. I had completely forgotten about the swine flu panic that was taking place across the country. Here was a golden opportunity to mess with people on the flight, and I didn't even have a sombrero nor a pork sandwich to induce panic.

Wednesday evening saw the 8 of us walking across downtown Denver to Coors Field to take in a Rockies game.

We had checked online early Wednesday, and found that we could purchase a 4 pack of Rockies tickets, which included 4 hot dogs and 4 regular sized sodas for $49. Being from the East Coast, and having been paying top dollar for crappy seats in rundown stadiums, this was an incredible deal.

Having been assured by our Denver colleagues that the Rockies never sellout week day games, we decided against purchasing tickets online, and planned on buying them at the box office.

The decision to buy the tickets at the box office turned out to be a major mistake. The game time was 6:45 PM, and we arrived at the stadium at 6:30 PM. Walking around to the side of the stadium to the box office windows, we were greeted with eight lines, at least 20 persons deep each.

At first, we were not too worried. 8 of us, 8 lines. We can just split up and take 1 line each, and we'll just buy all the tickets when the first person gets up to the window.

Simple, right? Nope. Not when every person working at the window was at least 90 years old, and every person buying tickets has to ASK ABOUT EVERY SEATING SECTION THAT HAD TICKETS AVAILABLE; with the Rockies not selling out the game, that makes EVERY SECTION AVAILABLE. Most of the lines hardly moved for the first 20 minutes or so.

Out of the eight of us waiting, I am the only one from the East Coast that goes to sporting events on a regular basis. With each passing minute, I wanted to just start shoving people out of the way if they asked any question other than "How much is my total?" Really, the stadium is empty, just buy the cheapest tickets and move the fuck on. I kept thinking to myself, this kind of crap will never fly in the East; half of the people would be beaten by an angry mob for asking questions like "what's the difference between this section in the right field and these on the left field?"

After what seemed like 2 hours, we finally got to the front of the line and got our tickets (another 15 minutes of waiting as the ticket seller was typing in our selection on the keyboard with the hunt and peck method with one single finger, then calling over the supervisor when the printer jammed).

When we entered the stadium, I was quite impressed. It had all the modern amenities, great concessions (no lines either!), and several other things that I haven't seen in person in a baseball stadium.

First and foremost, we got in during the top of the second inning, and there are A LOT of empty seats.


I would estimate that the stadium is less than 1/4 full. This is quite a shock for me to see. The temperature was around 70 and not a cloud in the sky, tickets for less than $10 for most of the park, and yet no one is at the game. Even back the days where I used to go to Red Sox games in the 90's, before most of the front runners "started watching baseball" in 2003, Fenway would be 70% full on most weekdays.


During the third inning, the Rockies bunted a runner from first to second with a sacrifice. My coworker from Minnesota asked me if I had ever seen that before; meaning that I follow the Yankees and live in Boston, both AL teams that don't play much small ball. Well, to answer his question, yes - I have seen teams play small ball - I watched the World Baseball Classic.

That question got me thinking of the differences between the games I have gone to at Yankee Stadium/Fenway Park and Coors Field.

Well, the first thing would be the empty seats and the ticket prices mentioned above. The next thing I have noticed is that people at the game isn't really that into the game. Not much yelling, cheering or cursing - they just kind of sitting there as if they are sitting on a park bench on a nice day. Sure they would cheer when the home team got a hit or made a nice catch, but missing is the atmosphere where the crowd is hanging on every pitch - the cheer for the home team pitcher when he throws a strike, or the "awwww!" when a close pitch is called a ball.

The next thing I noticed was the between inning entertainment after the 3rd and 4th innings. First up was a challenge where they had picked someone from the crowd for a chance to win a free authentic Rockies jersey. The challenge was the person had to run from the left field wall (I think it was at the 390 feet mark) to second base (the base had been removed from the mounting and sitting on its side), place the base back into its mounting and run to first base.

For the person to win, they would have to do this before the 20 second clock on the jumbotron reaches zero. Well, the unfortunate soul they picked to run this event was not in very good shape. In fact, I think the woman would have done better if there was a double cheese burger sitting on first base. Predictably, she didn't even come close to beating the clock. The crowd gave her a nice cheer and that was that. I think the Boston / New York crowd would have crucified her.

Next up was another challenge to win a Rockies gift pack. Another person had been picked from the crowd to shag fly balls in center field. The contestant had been a guy who looked to be in his late twenties, and probably had not seen athletic competition since kickball in 2nd grade.

The ball was to be shot from a giant slingshot in left field, and he needed to catch at least one out of two to win. With the first one, the guy took off towards the slingshot as soon as the ball was launched, not bothering to even read the trajectory of the towering pop up. The result? he over ran the ball by at least 20 yards, froze and watched the ball land even though he had ample time to recover and get back to the ball.

For his second and last chance, the man smarten up. He started back further, and waited for the fly ball to reach its zenith, and then started to move to catch it. Instead of running with the glove tucked towards his body, he decided to run with both arms flailing. After 4 steps, he does a face plant. The crowd again politely cheers the guy as he is escorted off the field. In New York or Boston? I think the crowd would have followed the guy home and booed his family and egged his neighbor's house.

After the display of Rockies version of the Biggest Loser, I decided to take a walk and take in the sights of Coors Field. I walked along the mezzanine level - all around the lower level. Among the things I saw was a nice playground, full of children on the jungle gym and slides. People milling around and chatting, watching the sun set behind the Rocky Mountains. It was rather nice, the stadium was more like a park where people go to relax for the evening rather than to watch baseball.


All in all I have to say that I am quite impressed with Coors Field. I had a nice time watching my first National League game, the price was reasonable for both the tickets and the concessions. The game turned out to be a joke, Rockies beating my old friend Randy Johnson and the Giants 11-1. A good time was had by all.