Child Please!

Chad Ochocinco kicked the winning extra point in the Bengals' 7-6 preseason win over the Patriots.

Tom Brady was thrown down a couple of times by Bengals defenders, shockingly non of them were named Roy Williams or Tank Johnson.

I didn't watch the game, but judging by the box scores and the final score, the Bengals probably didn't play Ol' Roy a lot of downs.

The Bengals are terrible, but at least they are providing us with some entertainment.

"Esteban' Ochocinco is back, the most interesting footballer in the world, Everyone has to remember, I’ve always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now."

- Chad Esteban' Ochocinco

Karma is a Bitch Phillies

Phillies' center fielder Shane Victorino was doused by a full cup of beer as he was catching a fly ball during Phillies 12-5 victory over the Cubs on Wednesday night.

While I like Flying Hawaiian as a player, and thinks this type of fan behavior is deplorable (full fucking cup of ball park beer? in this economy?!), I can't help but feeling happy that a Philadelphia player is on the receiving end of an asshole fan action.

Why am I happy? As a Dallas Cowboys fan, I have witness over the years the bad behavior from Philadelphia sports fans. Every Cowboys game at the old Vet was an orgy of drunk fans throwing everything that was nailed down at the visitors - from batteries to snowballs, sometimes snowballs with batteries rained down onto the field.

The City of Brotherly Love was also home to the coach Buddy Ryan who once famously placed a bounty on the Cowboys kicker and Troy Aikman and remarked "hey, if there is snow on the stands, people will throw snowballs" when asked about the unruly Phillie fans.

This was also the place where Michael Irvin lay motionless on the shitty Veteran Stadium astroturf, with a possibility of permanent paralysis, and the fans cheered.

I can go on for days about the bad Philadelphia sports fans, but I won't. I'll just let Google do the work.

Gutter whores, all of them.

Let's go back to this beer throwing Chicago fan. I heard on ESPN radio that another Cubs fan (coincidentally who looked like Steve Bartman) was mistaken as the beer thrower, and he was roughed up by some of the Phillie fans sitting around him; while the real beer assassin bolted from the stadium. With the release of the footage of the incident, and Victorino's complaint with the CPD, the real assailant turned himself in.

What a sucker, I would have taken my chances with the cops not finding me. Come on, the CPD couldn't even find the one arm killer dude for almost a year, Harrison Ford had to do all the legwork for them.

Chicago fans are no angels either. Who can forget this incident? Warms my heart to see a shirtless drunk father and son team working together.

Okay, enough about the bad Philadelphia and Chicago fans. The most famous beer (or what M.L. Carr called "unidentified liquid, definitely not beer) toss in my mind, was the cup that was thrown at M.L. Carr as he was walking into the tunnel of the L.A. Forum after the Celtics game 6 victory in the 1984 NBA finals.

This act so enraged Maxwell that he told DJ: "Let's kill them on Tuesday. Let's kill those freaks."

The rest, as they say - was history.

Roy "Thong" Williams

Caught the first episode of the HBO "Hard Knocks - Training Camp With the Cincinnati Bengals" last night.

If you're haven't seen it, don't bother - it was boring as all hell. Even Ocho Cinco was lame.

There was a scene where they showed a defensive back trash talking Ocho Cinco before a inter-squad scrimmage, it was so contrived and uncomfortable - the guy must of practiced it in front of a mirror for 5 hours this week; and still somehow manage to deliver it like a fifth grader in his first play.

But what did interest me was that it showed two former Cowboys that, Mike Zimmer (former and now) Bengal's defensive coordinator, picked up from the Cowboys' trash heap - Roy Williams and Tank Johnson.

Tank was seen asking a child (not sure if it was his son) entering 4th grade, if he would "fight back if he was 4 and 12" (in reference to coach marvin Lewis' call for the team to fight back after a disasterous 2008). The kid answered no, and Tank playfully said they will have to talk this over during dinner. The kid pretty much had the "you're an idiot - what the hell are you talking about" attitude the whole time.

Probably not very smart if Tank is your dad; or worse - not your dad and he owns a bunch of fire arms.

But that was not the worst showing of the two former Cowboys.

The worse was Roy Williams. He was in several scenes, some reprising his jovial happy veteran role from last year's Cowboys edition of Hard Knocks. In others, he was just getting his ass handed to him.

Yahoo's Shut Down Corner article nailed it:

"I'd imagine Roy Williams is a little embarrassed this morning about his showing. He lined up against Maurice Purify in the Oklahoma drill (one running back, and one blocker going one-on-one with a defender in a confined space), and things did not work out well for Roy. Purify erased him. With his propensity to get beat deep, and his inability to even put up a fight against a rookie wide receiver blocking him, I'm having trouble figuring out what it is that Roy Williams does well."

"Erased him" might even been a little too kind. Annihilated or mauled might be more accurate. Yeah sure, one can say that Purify is an undrafted rookie, giving his all and then some to trying to catch on. But come on Roy - a guy who is trying to resurrect his once great career - coming to a new team trying to earn the respect of his new teammates, this is not how you go about it.

Roy showed absolutely zero effort against Purify - he was just a talking blocking sled during the drill. Got owned in the first part of the segment when the voice over was still explaining what an "Oklahoma Drill" was, and got absolutely destroyed by the rookie at the end of the segment. I mean, it was so bad that you kind of feel embarrassed for him.

I have read accounts from several sources that Roy Williams' problem is that he seemed to have lost his passion for football, or more accurately, his passion for playing football well. It was never more evident than in this episode of Hard Knocks (other than the times he missed tackles, blown coverages in the last two years for the Cowboys - but I digress).

Again, for a guy who once was one of the most feared, hard hitting safety in the league, now seen walking around joking and goofing off and plotting with teammates to not go at each other as hard in contact drills. Way to earn respect Roy.

After seeing this, I am ecstatic that the Cowboys dumped him (now it seems like a no brainer). I suspect Roy has retired 3 years ago, he just never bothered to tell his employer(s). If I was coach Lewis, Roy would be on the first bus out of town this morning, just to make an example out of him.

Of course I can't talk about old Roy without posting a picture of ladies in thongs.

God Damn Chinese Gamers!

From the blog, ChinaSmack (read the comments on ChinaSmack - high comedy)- I bring you a video made by a Korean gamer criticizing Chinese gamers:



From the comments section, someone posted a video made by a couple of Chinese guys mocking the Koreans' anger towards the Japanese.



Can't we all just get along?

I Think I Just Got My Own "Teachable Moment"

I got a call tonight - actually a message, from a buddy of mine:

"[JM] blah this is [my buddy] blah *noises in the back ground* *gibberish* softball *gibberish*"

After listening to the message three times, I still couldn't make out what he was saying, so I decided to call him back.

[My Buddy]: Hey dude, do you know a team named the Scrubs, that plays in the Boston West Coed Softball League?

[Me]: Name sounds familiar, but mmm.. not really.

At this point, i opened up the Boston West Coed Softball League web site, and saw that the Scrubs were on the brink of going through the regular season undefeated; that would explain the excitement in the earlier message.

[My Buddy]: Anyways, they are all Asian, and they are ranked third, and we played them tonight and beat them! *Quick recap of the game*

[Me]: Hey wait, you assume that I would know them because they were all Asian?! Yo man, that's racist!

[My Buddy]: Haha, ha.. ha.

[Me]: Haha, yeah, I probably know them. (checking via Google Chat with a Asian buddy of mine who plays in that league - I do know them)

[My Buddy]: I'll talk to you tomorrow.

[Me]: Alight, later dude.

I am kicking myself, if I had responded with "I'll beat yo mama in softball!!", I would be having my own teachable moment with a bucket of free suds tomorrow at the Sunset Grill.

I have never seen a pitcure of guys who are more uncomfortable while drinking beer.

I Guess Ortiz Doesn't Respect His Family, Fans, or the Game

The big news in the world of Major League Baseball today was the revelation by the New York Times that Ortiz and Manny made the 2003 doping list.

For those of us who actually watch baseball, this cannot come as a bog shock. Even the biggest Red Sox fanboy saw this coming.

I for one, was praying that A-Rod would be suspended, so he can sue and have the entire list released. Look at which team and which year has the Major League team slugging record; and take a look at who had a dramatic spike in production for that year. I would bet you are many more Red Sox players on that list.

Let's go with David's own words to open the discussion here:

"I know that if I test positive, using any kind of substance, I know that I’m going to disrespect my family, the game, the fans, and everybody. And I don’t want to be facing that situation. So what I will do is, I won’t use it."

This was said in this past February, I guess he must omitted the words "any more" at the end.

Ortiz's statement today:

"One, I have already contacted the Players Association to confirm if this report is true. I have just been told that the report is true. Based on the way I have lived my life, I am surprised to learn I tested positive. Two, I will find out what I tested positive for. And, three, based on whatever I learn, I will share this information with my club and the public. You know me -- I will not hide and I will not make excuses."

Really David? Really?

“I tell you, I don’t know too much about steroids, but I started listening about steroids when they started to bring that [poop] up, and I started realizing and getting to know a little bit about it. You’ve got to be careful. I used to buy a protein shake in my country. I don’t do that any more because they don’t have the approval for that here, so I know that, so I’m off of buying things at the GNC back in the Dominican (Republic). But it can happen anytime, it can happen. I don’t know. I don’t know if I drank something in my youth, not knowing it.”

-David Ortiz, BostonHerald.com (05/08/2007)


Well, first of all, one thing I have learned from the entire A-Fraud steroid drama this past Spring was that all 104 players who won the lottery in 2003 were notified that they were on the list.

That was 6 years ago. You know, if I were David Ortiz, and my numbers spiked right around the same time that I was told that I tested positive for some PED; I might want to get my lawyers or representatives to find out what I tested positive for.

You know, so I can perhaps pass it off on a rogue Dominican cousin or some tainted GNC products.


If you really believe that this was the first time that Ortiz has heard of this or he doesn't know what triggered the positive test, you must be in some serious denial.

What I have really enjoyed about this whole ordeal is the reactions from the Red Sox fans. The long time fans will shrug it off, and said something to the effect of "eh, everybody was/is doing it".

Fair enough. Shoot, if I could take a drug and make me write better code at my work and make me more money? You bet your ass I'd be sucking it down by the gallons. Oh wait, it's call coffee - and I have been downing it by the gallons.

All that giddiness after the Red Sox employee Mitchell Report came out (and shockingly contained a bunch of Yankees)? The A-Fraud revelation this past Spring? Yeah, I get it, it's gamesmanship.

The pink hats will go right to the "look at how many Yankees have tested positive or was on steroids" argument. Hey, I don't really blame them - they're really not fans of the game - they're conditioned to just blame the Yankees for everything bad that happens to the Red Sox.

But the bottom line is this - whether you like to admit it or not Sox Fans (Pink Hats or otherwise), your team and your favorite player(s) are just as bad as the team/players you despise the most. You have known this all along, deep down inside you must have known, and today - it's finally proven.

Remember when Bonds and the Giants came and played at Fenway? How some of you acted like you have to hate him and boo him because you are such baseball purist and he was tainting the most hallowed record of all professional sports? (even though most of you cheered his big home runs during batting practice - I know, I was there) Or how some of you poked fun at the Giant fans who still supported Bonds. I would expect you to shun Ortiz today.

What's really going to bring this full circle, is that Ortiz comes out next week and admit that he was A-Fraud's Dominican cousin that had supplied him with Boli.

Knuckles Nilan Arrested

Former Boston Bruin and my childhood idol, Chris "Knuckles" Nilan was arrested yesterday at the South Shore Plaza for shoplifting.

QUINCY - Chris Nilan, a former professional hockey player known for his frequent trips to the penalty box, was arrested on a charge of stealing a bathing suit from the Lord & Taylor store at the South Shore Plaza.

"I just wanted to save a few bucks," he told police.

It's been a bad week for former Boston players, first Antoine Walker is pinched in Nevada for passing bad checks at Casinos, now Knuckles is picked up by mall cops for shoplifting a pair of bathing suit.

Growing up following the Bruins, I have always admired Nilan's toughness - even though he played the majority of his NHL career for the hated Montreal Canadiens. He was probably the most hated Canadien in Boston, and for good reasons. But this was one of those situations where you hate a player because he's the A-hole on your most hated team - but you love him when he becomes the A-hole on your team.

The Bruins signed him in 1990, I thought he was the final missing piece of the puzzle, adding toughness to a talent loaded but still a bit soft team. Excite, I ran out and bought a Nilan sweater - which I still have to this day (pictured above).

But like that pair of Lord & Taylor bathing suit, the Cup remained out of the hands of my beloved Bruins.

Police said Nilan struggled with store security officers who followed him out of the store. Police said Nilan denied taking anything and threw punch at one of the guards, but missed.

When Braintree Police officers Michael Want and Matthew Crowley arrived, Nilan was still struggling with the security guards even after they knocked him down. The police officers managed to subdue Nilan and place him in handcuffs.

Knuckles still holds the record for penalty minutes for a single game, and he is one of nine men on this planet who has more than 3,000 career NHL penalty minutes. Bested by freaking mall cops. This is like Tiger Woods getting beat by 6 year olds in miniature golf.

Thank goodness the judge had enough sense to take into account Nilan's former service to the community (I know it does not say so in the article - but come on, this is Knuckles Nilan), dismissed the case with a $100 court fine and ordered him to stay away from the store.

If I were those mall cops, I watch myself going to my car after work. Nilan is always the nastiest when coming out of the penalty box.

In other hockey news, the NHL made it official - Boston vs. Philadelphia in the Winter Classic at Fenway Park.

I already know what's going to happen, thanks to the run the Bruins had last year, the Pink Hats will snatch up all the tickets and I'll be forced to go to person A for tickets at 4 times the face value.

Speaking of fights, check out this blog entry on ChinaSmack.

Apparently, the dude in the red shirt tried to muscle this couple's child for a seat on the Shanghai tourist tram, and got his ass and his flip flop handed to him.

You might think, why would an adult start with a little kid for a damn bus seat? Well, I have been to Shanghai and have seen this first hand. This is no joke, people over there LOVE fighting for seats on public transportation. You have to have your A game on at all times when taking any surface transportation (for some odd reason, the subway was not as violent when I took it - maybe the sun light activates some sort of enzyme that make them fight).

When you are waiting for the bus, and all the people in line are old or small children? It doesn't matter - these same grandmas and toddlers will shove and muscle you at the door.

When the empty bus that seats 60 pulls up and there are only 8 people in line? They'll still use every part of their body and that Hello Kitty backpack to box you out like Dwight Howard just to get on the damn bus before you.

For what reason, I have no idea. The people I had encountered were all local, and they must know that the bus is not full during that time of the day. I think it's a form of free entertainment for them - kind of like playing pop-a-shot at your local watering hole.

A couple that fights toghether stays together