Land of Viking Boat Parties

I traveled to the fair City of Minneapolis with a coworker this week for a work team meeting.

Due to my past success in choosing hotels, the said coworker insisted on selecting the hotel this time around. She selected the hotel that is recommended by our Minneapolis office, the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Bloomington.

Before I give you our impression of the hotel, let's again consult the travel professionals; with a review (fair warning - this person does not believe in paragraphs) from trkej512 of South Dakota:

"I contacted the property directly to make my reservation. I booked a two room suite. Originally I booked the stay for four nights at a rate of $144.00 per night. I checked into the hotel February 20th and left February 21st after one night. "Nina" Was the employee at the check in. She was rude and must have been having a bad day. I went to my room with my family (husband and three kids). After entering the room I found out we had a King Suite but no two room suite. I went downstairs I spoke with "Brian". He informed me there was no way I could have had a reservation for a two room suite as they don't have any rooms that are two room suites. I went back to my room upset."

I am going to give "Nina" the benefit of the doubt here, I am guessing our friend was not too polite to the front desk person after driving for hours from South Dakota to Minneapolis with 3 kids in the car.

"My husband had to leave with our 8 year old daughter for a Jonas Brother's concert at the Target Center. "Nina" called from the front desk. By this time I was in tears."

"Nina" just called out the blue? What the hell is going on here? I am getting the feeling that the Jonas Brothers' concert is probably 6 hours away - the husband would rather go to a Jonas Brothers' show with 50 billion screaming little girls than spend another 10 minuets in the room with this woman.

"My 10 month old son found protein energy wrappers from a turkey meal on the floor. He got the oils in his mouth and got sick."

I have no idea what a "protein energy wrapper from a turkey meal" is. I don't know how they roll in South Dakota, but I am praying to baby Jesus that it's not an euphemism for a used condom.

It just goes on and on and on. To sum it up, "Nina" was mean, "Brian" is incompetent, and "Travis" was nice. She cried, got upset, and went generally bat-shit crazy. The room ended up being comped for the night and they moved to the Embassy Suite. No word on the husband, he was last seen shooting heroin into his eyeballs in the parking lot.

My coworker's stay at the Crowne plaza, while it was not as exciting as trkej512 of South Dakota, she did have several encounters with unwanted insects.

During the first night, we had agreed to meet at the restaurant in the lobby for dinner. As I was sitting there about to dig into my sandwich, I see her scurrying across the lobby - and out the front doors - while holding the drinking glass from the room.

As it turned out, she had captured an Asian Lady Beetle in her bathroom. Being a friend of PETA, she decided to bring it all the way to the lobby and set it free.

The next morning, she captured another two. As we later found out from our Minnesota colleagues, apparently these beetles were becoming a pest in Minnesota. Right before she released the second captured bug, she had made an complaint to the front desk. I guess "Nina" was not at the front desk, the person took the complaint and gave her a room on the woman's only floor.

Woman's only floor; this was an interesting concept to me. Apparently for an extra $30 a night, women can get a room in the women only section of the hotel, where the entrances to the hall way are secured by locks, and be free of harassing men and unwanted insects.

This is what I think goes on in the women only section; I may be wrong.

Another amenity that $30 will buy you is a fridge full of free granola bars and sodas. My coworker took a few everyday and I was flush with free granola bars for the two days I was there. Sure they had pink wrappers and loaded with nutrition for women, they were delicious. I'm not 100% certain but I think they might have something to do with my sudden urge to go shopping at the mall.

Overall, my stay was pleasant. The room was quiet and clean - both lady and bug free, and the staff were very nice. I did get a letter placed under my door on the second day informing me that the hotel's hot water heater was experiencing problems, and we were advised to conserve water and shower outside of the peak 6 AM to 8 AM time period. Of course me being the asshole, I showered at 7 AM for 30 minutes.

My only complaint would be that it took them 45 minutes to make me a damn sandwich at the restaurant, and the look of disgust from the concierge when I ask her where do I buy tickets to go "sitting at Al and Alma's".