Jerry Jones

Love him or hate him, you have to give him props. The man's got balls.

Bought the Dallas Cowboys 20 years ago for a mere $140 million, now according to Forbes - it is worth a cool $1.65 billion.

Yep, that's right billion with a B.

Sure back in 1989, I fucking hated the man. As a life long Cowboys fan, his first move as the new owner was to fire one of the most successful coaches in the history of the NFL, and push out the general manager that built the Cowboys from scratch into America's Team.

Sure, there were a couple of down years, okay - a decade of down years (3 consecutive NFC Championship losses in the early 80's - unless you are a Bills fan or an Eagles fan, those are failures in my book), both Tom Landry and Tex Schramm deserved better.

But give Jerry credit, he saw that time and the NFL game had past the two by, and it was time for something new.

His next move, was to hire a college coach with zero professional experience to take the reins of the Cowboys. The pair them promptly traded away Hershel Walker - who accounted for 65% of the offense for the mediocre on their best day Cowboys.

What was that like for a Cowboys fan? I wanted to fucking kill both Jones and Johnson. For the love of Christ how in the fucking world do you trade away the guy who IS your offense in the middle of your season??!!

A few years later, the move proved to be the very reason that the Cowboys took home the Lombardi Trophy 3 years out of four. In fact, it was such a great move, Johnson called it "the Great Train Robbery".

The next few years that followed after the Cowboys won the first Superbowl in the 90's, I would give Jones a B+ on his achievements. The bad - he drove off the coach that won him the Superbowls mainly because he didn't want to share the spotlight with him. The good? He broke with the NFL/NFL PA in the merchandising front.

Not many of us remember that Monday night game in New York with Jerry Jones walked onto the Giants Stadium turf with Nike Founder Phil Knight to announce the deal that the Cowboys had struck with Nike to brand Texas Stadium with Nike logos. But that was a revolutionary move for the NFL.

Up until then, all the franchises in the NFL shared the merchandise revenue equally. It doesn't matter if your team sucked and you as a owner can barely remember the address of your stadium, or you as an owner spent every waking hour trying to improve your team - you shared the revenue equally. All those Emmit Smith jerseys that were sold? Every team in the damn league gets a piece of that action.

In political circles, that's what is known as communism. With one bold move, Jerry Jones changed all of that. Why the hell should Jerry and the Cowboys share the money he earned by being the most popular franchise in football with the perennial bottom feeders who refuse to improve their team?


At first, there were only a few owners who saw the light. Al Davis, who was just happy to have someone else being labeled as "maverick owner" besides his Darth Vader self; and Bob Kraft. That's right, Bob Kraft; he saw back then the smart money was the opportunity to shed the dead weight of the layabout owners and market your own team - if you can keep most of the fruits of your labor.

Now after several years, guess what happened. Everyone is on board now as the NFL became the most successful professional league in the world. Everyone is richer, and everyone is happy (except Al Davis, who is still unable to expand his merchandising demographics from LA gang members and frustrated by his apparent inability to hire coaches who doesn't punch fellow employees).

Fast forward a few years to the current time. Midst of a recession, Jones is set to open his 1.2 billion dollar football stadium.

Prices too high in a recession? Nope, the stadium is almost sold out, including the luxury boxes and even with the personal licenses for season tickets and corporate sponsorships.

Worried that the higher ticket prices will only bring in the "well-heeled" crowd who will not make the place a living nightmare for visiting teams? In addition to the 72,000 people the seats and the suites will hold, Jone is selling an additional 30,000 $29 "party passes" that will let the fans stand in the decks and buy Jerry's beer and hot dogs. This is just brilliant, simply brilliant. You know all those rowdy bleacher crowd you see in baseball parks? Jones just created an opportunity for 30,000 rowdies to enter the stadium at $29 a pop to move around and do their thing.


Worried that the planet's biggest HDTV (which sits 90' - 9 stories to you and I, above the stadium surface) will interfere with playing football? Get the NFL to amend/clarify the rule. In the mean time, everyone is talking about the new Texas Stadium.

As Michael Silver suggested, I am thankful for the Jones owning the Cowboys.

20 years later, I will own up to Jerry - I was wrong.

Now I Feel Old

It's one thing to see stuff that was popular when you were a kid being brought back as "nostalgia", it's another when you see things that were "in" when you were an adult now being called nostalgia.

Remember those Starter jackets? They're coming back. Iconix is resurrecting the brand and has signed Tony Romo to a deal promoting the brand at Wal-Mart.

I remember Starter from the 90's, seemed like everyone in Boston had one of those Starter Bruins jackets (yeah, the B's were popular once before all the front runners came on board last year). The company went belly up back in 2002, and the brand seemed to disappear overnight.


Entertainment Weekly has a nice write up of the Rise and Fall of the Starter Jacket.

Yep, the brand once favored by hip-hop artists, gangsters, and suburban gangster wannabes now have TO's quaterback (can't say the quaterback of the Dallas Cowboys, Starter does not have a deal with the NFL) at the helm piloting the resurrection.


Now I am curious if anyone is going to bring back the GoBots (the Starter brand as the Transformers) of the gangster NFL apparel - the Apex One Pro Line jackets?

Take that!

From the Washington Post:

"Man Removes Car Flag, Gets Clocked by Motorist

A man who grabbed a Dallas Cowboys flag from a car in downtown Washington was punched in the face yesterday, startling passersby in an area that is home to lawyers, lobbyists and expensive shops and restaurants.

It occurred about 6 p.m. in the 1700 block of L Street NW, at a site just west of Connecticut Avenue, where few expect fisticuffs. Commuters were hurrying toward the Farragut North Metro station, and the car was stopped in traffic, police and witnesses said.

"It's crazy," said D.C. police Lt. Eric Hayes of the 2nd District. "It doesn't make sense."

But, he said, someone snatched the flag from a car, apparently threw it down, and crossed the street. "By the time he got across, someone exited the car" and struck him in the face, Hayes said.

It might have been motivated by team loyalty, he said. Or the motorist might have been particular about who touched his car.

One witness said she saw a "big tall man walk up to this guy and hit him across the head." Then, she said, the tall man "got back in his car and drove off."

She said that the motorist "just hit the man and walked off" and that he picked up an object from the ground, which might have been the flag.

The man who was hit fell and struck his head on the sidewalk, she said. Ringed by the concerned and the curious, the man lay facedown on the pavement.

"He was out cold for a good five minutes or so," the witness said.

Police said a man was taken from the scene for treatment of a bruised forehead. "

How does it not make sense?! The man fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia and slightly less famous is starting Jason Cambell at QB; and when you mess with a Cowboys fan, you'll get your ass knocked the fuck out.

It's my bike now!

Bye Bye Steelers

Avery is Still a Prick

Stick to the back of the head? How about I'll just shut your team out.

The full video



Bruins take top seed in the East, would open up against Sean Avery and the Rangers if the playoffs started today.

Dallas Cowboys Update

Marty B's new blog on DMN.


"The alien was about 4 foot 16 LOL add it up, with a Marcus Spears stomach and Jason Witten arms. That's weird looking and it had a Peyton Manning head with Reggie McNeal legs. So picture that.

..So now I have a alien maid and BFF, it's a great wingman I just ask the girls if they ever been to Jupiter and we take em. It does make weird sounds when we watch E.T or see ED on ESPN"

Yo Marty B, they test for that shit in the NFL, put down that bong dude. Still, funny line on Ed Werder.

Safety Roy Williams

Over the weekend, I had read something funny about the former Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams.

Over the last few years, certain members of the Dallas media had referred to him as the "thong" - meaning "uncomfortable, and can't cover anything".

You know I hate to dump on former players who leaves my favor team, especially a classy guy like Roy who has done a lot for the community.

But this was too funny not to share, and plus it would be Goddamn Un-American to pass up opportunities to post pictures of women in thongs.

And twins!!

Anyways, good luck to Roy, I hope he catches on somewhere and resurrects his career.

Update: Roy visited the Cincinnati Bengals the other day. No contract offer yet. Oh, by the way, you do not want to Google "Cincinnati Bengals" and "thong". Trust me on this one.

Stupid Trade Rumors

Another crazy week at the ranch for the Dallas Cowboys.

First, crazy talk from the Denver Post:

Happy trails, Jay Cutler. Have a nice life. Here are three quarterbacks who could make the Broncos a better football team when you're gone:

1) Matthew Stafford, Georgia Bulldogs

2) Brady Quinn, Cleveland Browns

3) Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys

Let's make a deal.

Are you insane? Romo is in his second year of his $67.5 million contract, which if traded, $9.5 million will count towards the 2009 cap. After cutting T.O., I don't think even Jerry Jones is crazy enough to eat that dead money pie.

Despite the recent Newman-Romo controversy, Romo with the "fuller-figured" Jessica Simpson is still a heck of a lot better than that cry baby Jay Cutler.

One angle on this entire McDaniel-Cutler mess that I haven't seen covered in the media is who the hell leaked the trade attempt for Matt Cassel? My guess is none other than Beli-cheat himself. As much success the hooded one has in his tenure in New England, the Broncos have always seemed to have the Pat's number. Now with this well timed leak, Beli-Cheat have poisoned the well for his rival in the AFC. Well played sir, well played. Pat Bowlen should have his head examined for hiring McDaniel.

Now let's move on to the trade for Julius Peppers. On Monday, reports surfaced all over these Interwebs that Carolina was going to let Peppers come to New England for the 34th pick that Patriots got for Matt Cassel.

That's a hell of a deal for the Pats, and of course, got the fanboys around here in a tizzy. After the dust settled, surprise! Julius Peppers names the Cowboys as being on his wish list of destinations, along with two other "unidentified NFC teams".

Look, it is correct that Peppers is a top notch talent in the peak of his career. I would love to see Peppers come into the new Texas Stadium and replace the perennial unhappy camper Greg Ellis. But really, I would like teams and players to stop using the Cowboys as bargaining chips in negotiation, especially when it comes to the Patriots.

Jones and Kraft will never bid against each other for a free agent - it's simple as that. Why the hell do you think the Cowboys ended up with the Jerk Kicker when Vinatieri was available?

The Patriots may very well end up with Peppers, but the price will be a lot higher than the 34th pick that the fanboys have envisioned. Remember that the Panthers have Peppers franchised, and how much the Vikings had to give up for Jared Allen. It may not be more picks, but certainly the Pats would need to come to the table with more cash (and cap space).

It's funny how people thought what a one year wonder will fetch on the open market vs what they will give up for a 4 time pro bowl defensive end in his prime. look, Al Davis is not running the Panthers, that was once in a lifetime bargain.

The mistake Panthers and Peppers had made was not coming to the market before the big spenders like the Giants and Redskins had blew their wad. Now most likely the Panthers and Peppers will just stay put, it's not that bad making franchise money and he'll still be in his prime next year; hence Carolina will just franchise him again and probably dangle the trade bait earlier in the free agent period.

Who Can it Be?

Skip Bayless made a guess years ago.

"Dallas Cowboys: Around 8:55 this morning, Barrett Long, an a male adult film actor, was on Howard Stern. He admitted to accepting oral from males for cash when times were rough, but insisted that he’s straight. He also said a member of the Dallas Cowboys once went down on him. Refused to mention the player’s name. Artie Lange instantly yelled “Tony Romo!” but Long denied it was him. Then Long asked about Emmitt Smith, to which Long also said no. It almost sounded like Long recanted the whole thing when Artie asked about Michael Irvin, but we’re not 100 percent sure if he was kidding or not."

Not Romo, nor Emmit.

Michael Irvin? Doubtful, this was a guy described by people in the organization as having a "pussy problem".

I want to guess Aikman, but that's too obvious, and Skip Bayless is rarely right.

I am guessing Alvin "Freaky Harp" Harper.

Why? I think Alvin just ran out of freaky things to do with chicks, if Alvin Harper is the Dallas Cowboy in question here.



My Next guess is Quincy Carter. I'll just post this picture and let you decide for yourself.

Cowboys Update

I am going to take a little break from my 24/7 coverage of the World Baseball Classic here and report an update on the signing of Igor "Ukraine NOT WEAK!" Olshansky.

I am hoping that he does well as a Cowboy, and maybe I will throwout my copy of the workout book written by T.O. and buy some of Igor's MEGA PRODUCTS.

I will now counter the gayness (although there is nothing wrong with that) of posting a picture if a half naked muscle dude, by posting these following pictures:

Happy Super Terrific Hour!

Alison Carroll as Lara Croft

Ukraine is Game to You?

Dallas is looking at Igor Olshansky formerly of the San Diego Chargers to replace Canty at the Defensive End spot.

Matt Mosley of ESPN.com has this to say:

"Olshansky would challenge Jason Hatcher and Stephen Bowen to replace Chris Canty at defensive end. He also fits the team's desire to sign more players from the former Soviet Union."

Wise ass.

Looking at Mr. Olshansky's profile, he is in fact from the former Soviet Union - more specifically, the Ukraine.

Of course, that calls for the obligatory Seinfeld reference.

WR Roy Williams Era Begins

Breaking News: Dallas Cowboys cut Terrell Owens.

Mixed feelings about this one.

Pros:

• Rid of team cancer. The less talented WR's on the team was picking up his shitty attitude, I'm looking at you Patrick Crayton.
• Gives Tony Romo a chance to finally lead the team, with his pal Jason Witten.
• Terrell Owens' production was way down last year. Age catching up to him? We'll find out.

Cons:

• $12 Million signing bonus last year, for a $34 million dollar deal. I don't even want to think about the dead money on this cut.
• Lack of a clear number one go to receiver. Roy Williams? Christ.
  

Honestly, given the cash tied into T.O.'s contract, I didn't think Jerry Jones would open the new Texas Stadium without him. I had thought that T.O. would be dumped at the end of the upcoming season, at least get one more year of service for that $12 million signing bonus.

My guess? Behind the scene meeting between Jones, Romo, and Garrett - somebody must have said it's either he goes or I go. Garrett went on an interview for the Ram's head coaching job, so it must have been Romo.

Where will T.O. land? Redskins perhaps with a "stick it to Dallas" discount? I know one place he won't go - Kansas City.

Ed Werder, reveal your source!!



Update #1: Cowboys release Safety Roy Williams. This one was obvious, his salary numbers could not be justified by his production. Excellent run stopper, bad in coverage.

Not many guys have a NFL rule named after you. That in itself is quite an accomplishment. Coincidentally, the tackle that made the owners pursuit the rule in the off season was Roy Williams on T.O., funny how these two guys played for the same team in the subsequent years and are now out of work 12 hours apart.

Update #2: Now we know exactly what Jones meant by "Romo-friendly". Not sure how "friendly" the team is now, as there are a few players who believed T.O. was right. It would have been much better if Romo stood up to T.O. for himself, instead of having Jerry Jones cut him. Oh well, now there is a CB and a WR spot open for the winner of the Michael Irvin reality show.

Cowboys Amassing Losers at an Alarming Rate

Anthony Henry Sent To Detroit For Veteran QB

The Dallas Cowboys sent starting CB Anthony Henry to Detroit for Jon Kitna. A starting corner back for a backup QB from a team that lost ALL of their games in 2006.

Aside from looking like a skinnier version of Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket, he's actually an upgrade from noodle arm Brad Johnson and probably the best option amongst all the available free agent QB's out in the market. Also, this is a cap friendly deal, the Cowboys freed $3.6 million off of their books for 2009.

Now that was the good part. The bad? Why would you give up a starting CB for someone who the Lion mostly would have cut in a few days anyways? If Kitna had hit the open market, it would be a huge stretch that a massive bidding war would ensue for a backup QB from a 0-16 team.

Who needs a backup when your I.Q. is 130? What? You don't think so? Who are YOU to argue with the Internet?!!

Now the Cowboys have fortified their backup QB spot (which most likely had cost them a playoff spot in 2008 - and the chance to lose again in the first round), they have seriously weaken their defensive backfield. Once again, veteran Terence Newman is the only proven commodity at the position. If he should miss games like he has in the last few years, the Cowboys are left with a bunch of second year players and possibly rookies or Pros vs. Joes Pacman Jones. In a related note, this opens the door for me when I win a spot in the Cowboys training camp; the probability of a 5'-6" Asian man with 5.63 40 speed playing corner back for the Cowboys has increased tenfold.

A trade that would have made more sense would be trading Safety Roy Williams for Kitna. The Cowboys are probably going to release him to gain cap space anyways, but then the Lions probably knew that too; and the prospect of being able to copy and paste names from their 2008 game program templates for the 2009 season was not enticing enough for them to pull the trigger.

Oh well, it could be worse. I have had a recurring nightmare in the last few weeks that Jerry Jones backed up the Brinks truck to lure Farve out of retirement to play for the Cowboys.

In other news, columnist Jay Mariotti is calling on Roger Goodell to investigate the Cassel trade.

Mariotti is arguing that the trade is too one-sided, too much of a sweetheart deal for the Chiefs.

Now I am probably the biggest Beli-cheat hater in the New England area and completely agree with people who believe Belichick got off light for Spygate, even I have to say Mariotti is completely off base here.

Investigate what? The fact that Belichick is not his usual complete cheating asshole who would stab his own grandmother to improve his team? What league rule has he broken really? If making bad executive decisions is against NFL rules, Matt Millen would be serving a 100 game suspension right now, if not banned from football completely.

The fact that Belichick may or may not have play his hand to the fullest is not up to the NFL to investigate, it's between Kraft and the the Grey Hoodie. Who knows why Pioli got the sweetheart deal? Maybe he has pictures of Belichick drawing swastikas and penises on drunk college boys.

McFilthy Signs With the Redskins

The Foreskins sign both the cheap shot artist Albert Haynesworth and the perennial victim DeAngelo Hall.

It's going to be a fun 2009.







Other NFC East News

Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett's fiance Kendra Wilkinson was out doing radio to promote the last episode of "Girls Next Door".

The former playboy playmate and Hef's (probably many others') sloppy seconds will be getting her own reality show where she will share her wedding preparation with the audience.

Yeah.. that could be interesting, if you're into that sort of things.

Anyways, here is the links and the summary of her interview(s).

"Romo-friendly"

In a Q&A session with the Star-Telegram this week, Jerry Jones was asked what is the high priority for the upcoming 2009 season.

His answer:

"I think being as Romo-friendly as our team can be. Romo friendly means let's utilize his skills to the fullest and make sure everything we do maximizes his abilities."

Romo-friendly? Come on Jerry, we know what you are trying to say; but "Romo-friendly"? It sounds like you are just going to coddle the guy. You might as well hand out "Romosexual" tee shirts to the coaching staff.

Hey Wade, good luck on your "get tough" endeavor this year.

Mattel’s Barbie Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Wins Worst Toy of the Year

From the kill-joys at Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood:

"Barbie’s big year just got a little more exciting. On the eve of the world’s most famous doll’s fiftieth birthday, the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood announced that Mattel’s Barbie Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Doll won its inaugural TOADY (Toys Oppressive And Destructive to Young Children) Award for the worst toy of the year. In an online vote by more than 6,000 CCFC members, Barbie handily beat four other nominees."

Worst toy of the year. But why?

“When you combine two classic symbols of gendered stereotypes – the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader and Barbie – you get one terrible toy,” said CCFC Steering Committee member Joe Kelly, of www.dadsanddaughters.com. “Do we really want to teach our young daughters that they belong on the sidelines, not in the game, and the way to get noticed is show a lot of skin?”

I didn't even know there was a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Barbie Doll until today. Come on, it comes in blond and brunette! That's breaking the stereotype! it's got to count for something right?

No word on when Mattel is going to come out with a chubby Jessica Simpson doll or a sensitive T.O. doll to counteract this undue negative publicity.

Michael Irvin Reality Show Update

Here is the casting call.

From the link:

Michael Irvin and Spike TV are looking for guys who think they can play either WR or DB! This is for an upcoming reality competition show. The winner will be awarded a coveted spot on the Dallas Cowboys training camp roster!

Looking for elite football athletes whose careers ended on terms other than their own. Did family, friends, finances or an injury prevent you from achieving your lifelong goal of becoming a pro football player? Kurt Warner was bagging groceries before he became a two-time league MVP and Super Bowl Champion. Vince Papale was tending bar before he walked on the Philadelphia Eagles. Could you be the next professional football player to come out of nowhere?

This is a REAL opportunity to make a lifelong dream a reality.

I noticed "lack of size, ability, and or skill" was not listed as a reason why I am not a professional football player. Nor are the positions of kickers, punters, or general members of strip club posse/entourage listed.

This may be harder than I thought.

Oh boy..

Never a dull moment on the ranch
















Cowboys' Terrell Owens gets reality show on VH1

VH1 announced Monday that the series takes place in the offseason, and T.O.'s best friends and publicists — Monique Jackson and Kita Williams — will help him re-examine his personal life. The two will work as "matchmakers and therapists" for Owens.

Well, it's better than being on "Spring Break Ass".

"More full-figured" Jessica Simpson































Jessica Simpson looked a little porky when she turned up at a chili cookoff in Florida, where she entertained the throng with her pop hits “Angel” and “With You.” But the girl’s in luuuuuuuuuuuuv! “I’m so excited I’m going to see my boyfriend tonight,” Jessie told the crowd about her rendezvous with Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo before launching into “You’re My Sunday.” Simpson said, “My boyfriend is a football player, and he takes up my Sundays and now my Mondays. I am sooooo happy.”

A little tip Jessica, looking more like Jason Witten is not the way to keep Tony's attention. Despite what T.O. says.

I Also Have a Dream

This has been a very exciting off season for my Dallas Cowboys. First, it was the end of the PacMan Jones era, then the rumors of possibly acquiring God’s linebacker Ray-Ray; then to top them all – Hall of Fame wide receiver Michael Irvin will be producing a reality show to find the 80th man for the upcoming 2009 Cowboys training camp.

The Hall of Fame wide receiver is launching a reality TV show in which 12 "football neophytes" will compete for an impressive grand prize: a spot on the Dallas Cowboys' training-camp roster.

"I don't know if you can walk upon any group of guys that wouldn't say they dreamed of playing in the NFL when they were playing in their front yard," Irvin told The Associated Press on Thursday. "So we're going to take a group of guys from their front yard, dwindle them to one and give that guy the opportunity of a lifetime."

Oh hell yeah, I finally have a shot at realizing my childhood dream of playing for the Cowboys, to wear number 40 and cleaning the clock of some hotshot Redskins rookie returning his first NFL punt; and my adulthood dream of going to a strip club with $81,020 in "visual effects" and "making it rain".

Let's take a look at the requirements:

• Football neophyte? Check.
• They likely will need a football background -- just not too much. Okay, I may have to understate a couple of those 2 point conversions I get playing coed flag football; they don't have to know the whole truth.
• They also must be the right age, size and condition to handle an NFL training camp. Bill Parcells camp, no. We all saw how Wade ran his "Camp Cupcake" last Summer on HBO's School of Hard Knocks; I think an average male who goes to the gym twice a week can survive that camp.

I know the inevitable comparison here is Marky Mark's horrible 2006 movie - Invincible; which I do not think really applies here. Sure, Invincible tells of a alleged true story of a down-on-his-luck Philadelphia school teacher, going to a publicity stunt open tryout, beating the odds and making the roster of his life long favorite team - the Eagles.

Sure at first glance, there are several similarities between the new Michael Irvin's new reality show and the open tryout the Eagles held in 1976; both are publicity stunts, and both undoubtedly had/will attract a lot of people who will give one more shot at realizing a dream. But let's face it - trying out for the Dallas Cowboys, with their five Vince Lombardi trophies is a lot different than trying out for the no Superbowl winning Eagles.

Hollywood, however, loved the story of Vince Papale. Of course with many of these "true" stories, they like to embellish it to make it more interesting, to the point that it is no longer believable.

For one thing, who in their right mind would believe a life long Philadelphia Eagles fan is literate and can legally be within 500 feet of a school?

Second, the female lead and the female supporting actresses are way hotter than any woman I have seen coming out of the sewer that is the Philadelphia sports scene. Lola Glaudini (some of you may remember her as the hot FBI agent on the Sopranos) plays Vince's wife, who leaves him when Vince got laid off from his substitute teaching job. Lady, you married a substitute teacher from South Philadelphia, what did you expect? Caviar at every meal?

After the obligatory furniture smashing and self pity scene, Vince returns to his part time job as a bartender at his buddy's watering hole; where he meets his other love interest - Elizabeth Banks. We are shown that this girl is perfect in every way, smart, beautiful, out going, knowledgeable about sports; except she is a Giants fan.

Now my dear readers, I would leave to you to decide who is more deserving of the punishment, a wife that leaves you when you are down and out, or a girl friend who is a Giants fan.

Okay, at this point let's take stock of how "horrible" Vince Papale's life is: he gets laid off from his teaching job (school systems in South Philly? it's a good thing) and Lola Glaudini walks out on him (bad. She is hot). Then he gets more time to work at his friend's bar and meets Elizabeth Banks. Let see, getting paid to drink with your friends all day, working with a hot girl friend. Right - he's hit rock bottom.

Of course like all Hollywood version of a happy story, our love birds enjoys a few witty jabs back and forth, hold hands, Vince makes the team, blah blah blah.. ever happily after.

Alright, enough talk about the Funky Bunch's crapfest move and back to my dream. Realistically speaking (because Michael Irvin's show is a reality show, and we all know everything that happens on a reality show is exactly how it would have happened without all the cameras and directions from the production company), I should just aim to not be the green-caped fat guy in the tryout scene from Invincible. but hey, this is my dream.

After I make the team, I am optioning my story to Hollywood under the condition that Jet Li will play me in the movie.

This is not going to end well..

This from the Ravens Insider Blog:

"Dallas owner Jerry Jones believes his team is in the serious hunt for a Super Bowl title next season, and that Lewis could help solve some of the team's problems inside the locker room."

Solve some of the team's problems inside the locker room? How? Instead of the 25 cents "swear jar" type of fines for being late to meetings, Ray-Ray will now stab you; or he can also "talk" would be car-jacking hoodlums out of committing crimes in the Greater Dallas area.

But wait, he doesn't even do that anymore since he found God.

Okay, I am envisioning him running around at Valley Ranch yelling "Being late and having secret QB and Tight End meetings makes Baby Jesus CRY!!"

On second thought, this might be fun to watch:

More explosive personalities on a team managed by Lumbergh + new stadium + more media attention == FUN.

Ed Werder will be asking for a raise.

Todd Haley

""He was the only one with the [guts] to tell Jerry 'I really want this job but I can’t coach this team with this guy on it. And I don’t think you are going to win anything of any consequence with this guy on it.’ "

- Keyshawn Johnson, the O.G. of problematic recievers, endorsing Todd Haley as a head coach for the Cowboys.

That was the what Haley told Jerry Jone when he was being interviewed for the job Coach Cupcake now holds.

Some of you may remember Haley from this little gem back in 2006.

Was Todd right? well, he's going to the Superbowl. Knowing Jerry Jones, I can now look forward to either Anquan Boldin and or Plax joining the Cowboys receiving corp in the very near future.