Safety Roy Williams

Over the weekend, I had read something funny about the former Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams.

Over the last few years, certain members of the Dallas media had referred to him as the "thong" - meaning "uncomfortable, and can't cover anything".

You know I hate to dump on former players who leaves my favor team, especially a classy guy like Roy who has done a lot for the community.

But this was too funny not to share, and plus it would be Goddamn Un-American to pass up opportunities to post pictures of women in thongs.

And twins!!

Anyways, good luck to Roy, I hope he catches on somewhere and resurrects his career.

Update: Roy visited the Cincinnati Bengals the other day. No contract offer yet. Oh, by the way, you do not want to Google "Cincinnati Bengals" and "thong". Trust me on this one.

Clumsy, but Funny Cause it's the Giants

Was Dee Brown Back in Town Today?

I had a little excitement on my way home today, as I was stuck in traffic for thirty minutes in Wellesley as the police and the FBI were dealing with a bank robbery and bomb scare.

The Bank of America on route 16 was robbed at gunpoint at 4 P.M., and a suspicious device was left behind at the bank as well as another at the Star Market down the street. The net result was a section of Route 16 (Washington Street) being closed for several hours.

I know I can rule out my friend Danny as a suspect, he would never wear Adidas.

First, I was a little surprised that this happened on Washington Street in Wellesley. There is always traffic on that street from 7 A.M. to 8 P.M., the bridge over Route 9 has been under perpetual repair since the 80's. I don't see how someone can get away cleanly after robbing a bank at 4 P.M. during a weekday.

Second, we know Wellesley's best is always around. They had stopped me three times in the last four years for such offenses as driving with an expired vehicle inspection sticker and driving in the parking lane for 10 yards to get around traffic. Not to mention that unfortunate incident with Dee Brown back in 1990. (This Dee Brown, whom I schooled in a game of Pop-A-Shot at the Ground Round back in 1990. Not mentioned in any subsequent interviews, but it is firmly believed that the humiliating defeat at the Pop-A-Shot game was what drove him to practice harder in his dunking game, and eventually led to him winning the all-star slam dunk contest later that year).

Coming out of work, I had no idea this was happening until 10 minutes into the traffic jam I noticed the award winning general assignment reporter Linda Ergas doing a live update on the side of the road. The first thought that popped into my head was that this can't be a big story, as it's Linda Ergas out there for Christ sake, I'd figured Channel 7 would have their staff ace Sorboni Banerjee on the mound for a big story.

What made it even worse for me today was that right when I was leaving work, a coworker stopped me and asked me for a ride to a repair shop on Route 16 in Newton, so I actually got on Washington Street several miles further to the east as I would normally have.

It's 10 P.M. now and the robbery suspect is still at large. From what we know of Wellesley, the suspect is probably white and driving a vehicle with a valid Massachusetts vehicle inspection sticker.

Thunder Sticks Final

On home soil, USA ousted by Japan

I have to give it up to team Japan. They were able to overcome such obstacles as palms-out-victory-sign-throwing fans and being tens of thousands of kilometers away from their home country (according to Fidel Castro, this would allow managers to make foolish decisions; although Davey Johnson had no problem doing so on his homeland) to earned themselves a date to a orange vs blue thunder stick final.

Despite the beat down they had administered to my team and their stubborn adherence to the metric system, I will be rooting for them to beat the Koreans.

I choose to focus on the beauty and the positives of their culture over my baseball allegiance.

I need to find out where this buffet is

Damn metric system

These guys were pretty awesome back in the day. I had two of their albums.

Update 1: Japan had a 3-2 lead in the bottom of the ninth. Darvish walked 2 in his second relief appearance in two days. After striking out the next two batters, he allowed a game tying single to Bum Ho Lee (ha ha, bum ho). Blown save. We're going to extras. The box score reads Japan with a 12-5 hits advantage, yet the score is tied at 3.

Update 2: Top 10, 2 outs. Runners at the corners, Ichiro at the plate. Runner moved to second, defensive indifference. Holy crap, Ichiro just hit a 2 run double in a 9 pitch battle - he was batting under .100 in the tournament up to tonight. In the championship game, Ichiro goes 4 for 5, with probably the biggest hit in the tournament. Mr. March, Ichiro Suzuki.


Update 3: Darvish just walked the lead off batter again. 2 innings, 2 lead off walks. Okay, Darvish strikes out the next guy. Pop fly, 2 outs! Come on Darvish, I need to go to sleep!

Update 4: Game over! Darvish strikes out Jeong. Team Japan dog piles Ichiro. WBC II championship goes to Japan.

Oh no. Palms in! Palms in!!

This is the sort of muted celebration I expected.

Sex Teacher

School Library Staffer Accused Of Relationship With Student

Okay, he's a "para professional" and the girls soccer coach, and not a teacher.

His mug shot:


Where were the chicks that would bang guys like this when I was in middle school?

Fidel Castro Accuses Team Korea of Pulling a Belichick

Our second favorite Cuban (right behind Ricky Ricardo of course) wrote a nice little essay titled "The Moral Importance of the Baseball Classic".

This essay was written the day before the Cuban national team was eliminated by team Japan, which ended up beating Cuba twice in 3 days. Wait, not just beating - shut them out for 18 innings.

In the essay, the aging dictator rants about the exploitation of athletes by capitalist countries like the United States, and praised the hard work and contributions by the Cubans; he made a point in singling out how the evil American corporations like Major League Baseball have stacked the deck against his Cubans and the Venezuelans.

In essence, the entire essay is just filled with how the forces of evil (the United States) and it's willing allies (Koreans and the Japanese) have ganged up to prevent the people from freely participating in sports and achieve the ultimate goal of athletics, which is health and education.

I know this senile old man is stuck in the 1950's with this rant, but this little gem caught my eye:

"..Korea has invested huge resources in facilities and technologies. On the eve of the last Olympics, when we were forced to adapt to the conditions of a totally different time zone, they treated us splendidly and offered to us, at no cost, their facilities, but at the same time they exhaustively studied every one of our athletes, and took pictures and films of them.

They know every pitching from our pitchers and the reaction by every one of our batters to every pitching. They are the main adversary, because they are also methodical and they bat harder than the Japanese. "

Nice huh? The Koreans were kind enough to let your team use their facilities and you turn around and accused them of cheating. It's pretty clear that Comrade Fidel was hoping that his team would face Japan in the elimination game. Well, he got his wish and didn't work out too well for him. Perhaps soon, he would write an essay accusing the Americans of creating an error-inducing fog that caused the 2 run error by his outfielder Cepeda Frederich.

You think George Steinbrenner and Daniel Snyder are annoying as team owners? They have nothing on this guy.

We'll have to wait another four years now for another chance for Fidel to make excuses for his team's next early exit.

Now a proper sendoff to our brothers in arms in the great struggle of class-conscious proletarians, I give you the English Patient episode of Seinfeld.

March Madness

I have joined Mr Potato Head's March Madness Pick 'em group.

For this year, I have decided that taking responsibility for my own actions and thinking for myself is no longer the way to go; so I will simply follow others in my decision making.

If it doesn't turn out well? I'll just blame the current administration.

That's right. Why go to some Joe Schmo for my picks? I went right to the top.

These clowns better be just as good at picking winners as avoiding taxes.

Update #1 (3/19/2009 - 14:45 EST): The vast right wing conspiracy have defeated both BYU and Butler. 1 out of three. I don't have Butler and BYU going beyond the first round, so no big deal.

Update #2 (3/19/2009 - 19:15 EST): Thank God "Wazzou" won.

Update #2 (3/19/2009 - 21:40 EST): Thanks for the scare Nova.

Update #3 (3/20/2009 - 16:55 EST): I hate you PAC-10. The only one I picked will probably lose to BC.